You need to get used to being called selfish.
Am I selfish? Well that depends on whose eyes are viewing the situation. I can see it from both sides. I want to have a life just like everyone else, I want to have freedom, just like everyone else, I want to have fun, just like everyone else… I want to be of value, just like everyone else…IF I did not have a brain injury I would be managing to accomplish all these things on my own just as anyone else would do.
The problem arises because I am not able to accomplish these things on my own and need help. In a perfect world, I would be supplied with a driver, an assistant, a cook, a housekeeper so that I could function just like everyone else. We do not live in a perfect world at least I do not. If I want to go to that play for example, I need transportation, which means I need to ask someone to do this, which means they have to give up something they would like to do in order to take me. After the play, I am tired… so now I need help with cooking or I need to be fed (taken out to eat) or I throw in a pizza. Of course, now that I am tired, my brain works even slower so I have trouble focusing, hearing and following orders or instructions. So for 2-3 days following the “play” I have pretty useless days.
So now if you think about it…selfish…I wanted to go to the play, and it happened, and I enjoyed myself and I paid the price for it for 2-3 days after…. now lets look at it from another view… my ass got hauled to the play, had trouble getting out of bed the next day… did nothing to help out that day either or the day after and no meals were cooked, of little to no value to function as part of a “couple”.
Let’s look at another example.
I am trying to lets say hang a coat rack and I am having a hard time with it.Having the brain injury means I am not able to think of anything else while I am trying to “fix” this problem, I may be stuck on it all day so as soon as I see “help” arrive… I want help now, I have been stuck on this for hours, and I want to be unstuck and move forward, so the person does not even get a chance to get in the door and I am saying can you help me with this.
Can you imagine how this affects the “other” person? Can you imagine what a good mood it puts them in? Can you imagine how many loving thoughts are floating around in that person’s head at that moment? It is so very easy to say to me…just wait and I will help you do it later… but if you have ever lived with someone with a brain injury you would know that is not possible. The brain injured person is unable to think or do or talk or….. until they get unstuck!!!!!